Mosquitoes and boat rides

I finally came to the term that I can't handle social settings far more than once or twice a week.
Sometimes, I like to think that because I was the youngest in my somewhat big family, that I always had to carry the obligation of entertaining everyone.
That career died quickly when I turned 12. I had found myself praying for solitude and a new wardrobe that didn't include hand-me-downs, lol.
True story, I've never wanted to go to a club, I've always been in situations where it was apart of the plan. I guess the thought of large groups of drunk people stuffed into a warehouse never appealed to me.
When I turned 21, I was dragged into a bar. My friends regretted it shortly when they realized alcohol was not my thing, never has been.
4 years later, after experimenting and living life on the road, I've found that no matter how hard I try…I'm boring.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boring self, but just to make extroverts comfortable I try to come out once in a while.
Much like a leprechaun, if you see me, you're lucky because no one else gets to.
It's not that I think I'm too good for this world to the point where I have to lock myself up, I just am more at peace when I'm alone or with a few other people.
And often times, I can't keep my mouth shut to other's ignorance.
It's like G told me once about a situation she was in : "If you were there, you would've said you were done and left."
I started to giggle, she knows me too well!
The only time I couldn't live out to be my true authentic self was when I was on a boat.
Hate to sound posh but I can't be on a yacht with people (especially if you're a Virgo).
The best advice a fellow Scorpio gave me about yacht parties was "if you're on a boat with annoying people, you can't just hop off and swim to shore, you have to wait."
Once in a while, I'll go on a boat as a form of punishment, just to remind myself that I don't belong in this world.
Anyway, the last particular yacht party was comical.
Towards the end I lied to everyone and said I was sea sick and needed to meditate. I crept towards the end of the boat trying to revive myself of the energy lost and getting to finally enjoy the view of the waters (what I truly came for 🌹).
There's always a few characters you'll meet when stranded at a social setting that you can't seem to avoid.
One, there is that person who thinks your Oprah and tells you about their hardships. Then there is that guy that says you look/remind him of his ex girlfriend and therefore he has to talk to you and let you know what number she put on him (bye, usher). And finally when you've dodged all of the prying eyes, you'll come across the overly drunk bros. You know, the guys that ask you where you're really from — and then "no, I mean like where are you parents from?" — and then it's like "you're so exotic. Wow, Iraq? I've always wanted to go there." And then my smart ass says the same thing: "Yeah, you should go, I heard they throw great firework shows."
Three hours in, my energy has been sucked. People are worse than mosquitoes.
I should've known, after watching titanic that lots of people and boats don't go together, lol!
But that's the thing about going out, people do it just to talk about themselves or get completely wasted… or worse, both!
I have to be in a very self-destructive mode to put up with that (which I said is about once a week, lol!)
And I forgot to mention, if I'm quiet and relaxed, per usual — I get asked if something is wrong.
I picked up the knack of creating illnesses up just to be left alone. Just the other day someone asked me if I was "ok" and if I needed a shoulder or a hand — I asked if they had an extra liver lying around and what cartel they were working for.
Speaking of horror, I was just watching "Carnival of Souls" where this really pretty lady doesn't enjoy spending time with people and soon starts to let her imagination take the best of her. This drew people further away from her because she was too stubborn to admit that she was going bonkers.
From a psychological lens, she had schizophrenia. Through a feminist lens, she simply was an independent woman that didn't need a man and of course Hollywood can't profit off of that, so instead of letting her live they made sure the narrative sent her straight to hell.
But there was some truth to the movie, if you shut yourself away from the world you'll create fantasies in the dark that are not so light. (Also, if you're a woman that has independence and freedom, you're an outcast).
In the mean time, it's 8:00 a.m., it's Wednesday. I've spent enough time hibernating. Its time for me to be apart of this world, no matter how many annoying people you have to put up with today… do it for the little time you may have to enjoy the view. And look, if people really annoy you, just say you're off your meds, you lost your voice, you have hundreds of emails from groupon to read, it works!

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