I was talking to my best friend and she asked if it was normal to fall for anyone she simply vibes with – she’s always seen the good in people and was curious if this was detrimental to her choosing the right mate.
Of course, I advised that everything in life should be taken with caution – and that it’s a gift to fall in love with anyone (if you are able to) — and as long as they are a good person, there should be no issue.
She then asked what makes someone a good person and if their past would be a determining factor in detecting their character.
I got into a discussion with her about how we all have a past – and those who walk through life acting as if they don’t are the ones we should steer far from.
As long as we have evolved from our past and hold ourselves accountable for our actions, I do not see the trouble with calling yourself a good person.
If we were all honest about ourselves; our flaws, specifically, we’d all open ourselves to the love we desire.
However, in today’s world we all want to obtain the image of being perfect.
To which my friend responded by wishing we’d all be real so that we can give each other the chance to forgive.
Unfortunately, our world profits off of shame.
In my opinion, shame is a powerful curse.
Our society enjoys shaming people.
For instance, in the United States, it seems that we’ve put our celebrities on a paid platform that gives us the opportunity to shame them.
And the celebrities don’t mind, in return, they create/endorse products that teach us to continue this curse of shame.
Whether it’s make up that completely distorts the shape of your face, hair serums or wigs that tell us our hair pattern isn’t acceptable, skin products that either tell us we need lighter skin or darker skin, teas that are loaded with toxic amounts of laxatives and cosmetic surgeries that tell us our bodies need more than good health and regular exercise.
I, myself, am a consumer of shame.
I’ve slowly diverted away from consuming as much as I used to — but I can’t help myself at times.
Just like any other woman my age, I’m constantly feeling the pressure to obtain a completely flawless look and lifestyle.
At times, when people compliment me, I sometimes feel a sting of guilt, like: “thank you, but you’re complimenting me for not being me.”
The process of self-love is a journey, especially in your early 20’s.
I constantly question if what I’m doing is contributing to an image or if it’s contributing to who I want to be.
To make matters worse, I see women my age belittling other women for this very thing.
For example, if a one decides to surgically enhance her body there is always another female who will tweet/post something along the lines of “but I’m natural, so I’m better.”
But are they? No, especially, when you have to throw shade to give yourself shine.
All that does is create more tension between women, and not only pressures them to be perfect but to lie about it – which is dangerous for the little girl who is viewing your Instagram post and sees that your silicone manufactured body was processed by the help of a tea.
We all enhance ourselves one way or another, men do it with the cars in their garage – women do it with the junk in their trunk — hah!
We all do it to hide our true selves one way or another – because if we truly loved ourselves – we wouldn’t need “things” to showcase or change us, right?
Which brings me back to the topic of this post.
If we are constantly living in a world where shame is causing us to be something we are not — how do any of us find true love?
In fact, most of us don’t, we marry someone we can create a partnership with… or to say the least, looks good outwardly.
That sounds like a business, not love.
But when do we stop and think – is this good for us? Is this what we want?
I’m just as guilty as anyone else when it comes to these things – so all I can be is honest – if not with the world, with myself.