I haven’t written in a while because I was struggling with how I was writing.
I was writing as if people were watching which made me cautious.
Then, today, after a busy week, I decided it would be best to stay in, reimburse the energy lost and most importantly reflect.
Especially after last night when I rudely interrupted a dinner by deciding to leave. It was rude because sitting across from me was someone I enjoyed and although his guests were kind at heart; I couldn’t take how contrasted our realities were.
I’m okay with coming from where I’m from and I love hearing where others are from, however, I can’t find joy in stories that have not faced any turmoil.
Maybe it’s because I live for the drama or perhaps I enjoy listening to one’s testimony.
In one particular dinner I was at I’d overheard one of the guest speak about his experience with going to AA meetings, he may have been the most decent one of the group, his eyes gleamed when he’d mentioned how sobriety was important to him.
When he excused himself to the restroom another guest mocked his – what seemed to be the only profound lunch conversation we’d had – and dismissed it by announcing that he was trying to outshine them with his new found way.
It was quite comical because the other guest owned a rehab and they’d snorted white briefly after.
I didn’t mind going home after that lunch – it was too much of a harsh reality.
And that’s the thing about New York, just the other day I was at a salon when a motorist was hit by a car – he flung through the windows damaging everything.
I gasped — not realizing what had happened I thought it was a drive by or bomb being thrown in.
And then moments later the windows were fixed and business continued.
It’s not that I’m naive or new to life moving so fast, I’m just not accustomed to letting go of emotions so fast and moving right a long.
But that’s New York, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I needed a little push when it comes to moving on fast.
It’s fun getting to know a city you’ve always wanted to live in. It’s fun that I get the opportunity to associate with different circles of people.
I am a writer after all.
Everything is a film to me.
Every detail on the wall, every expression, every moment is captured.
With that being said, I’m going to start being completely honest on this blog.
I’m dedicating my energy to this.
I hope, whoever reads, enjoys.
But I’m no longer writing for anyone, Im writing for myself.