It took a while to make it out on the other side – up till now it’s been a burden of memories that start with – “I can’t believe I did this to myself.”
Last night, before bed, a flock of bad memories clouded my mind. Post traumatic stress.
It’s only normal in these situations and I’ve let every unwanted thought come in as a guest.
I can’t runaway from my past but I can detach from it.
Truth is: I hurt a lot of people – and a lot of people hurt me. And I almost let this cycle of abuse take over my life but I refused to let myself take every bad avenue.
And so these days, I’m dealing with the repercussions. The guilt, the pain.
A lot of “I forgive them” – and also – “I forgive myself.”
It’s life after all. All of us are winging it. We have no official instruction manual. And as much as certain things hurt – I know I can not give that pain power.
That pain inflicted upon me – came from a place of not knowing better.
I envision myself at peace with this all. I’m in a better place – it is time to move on.