The girls I used to work with were artists, some fallen. Each created a persona that exhibited a character that would allow them to survive. Actors. Entertainers.
Out of all of the girls, I am sad to know that Bre took her own life. Described by many as being friendly but consistently down in the dumps. She was kind to everyone…that was true. People didn’t get why she was so negative, I didn’t either, until she told me she wrote a book. She was a writer, an extremely sensitive person with a blank exterior. She was awesome and misunderstood. I’d run into her at the grocery store and she was always buying carrots for her rabbits. She wanted to be in love with a country boy from the south but didn’t feel as if they were attracted to her (she was beautiful). Some may have called it a delusion, I call her a romantic. She died for an idea, one that she felt she couldn’t achieve but was willing to die for. She would come into work every night and not work. She would pamper herself up and sit out, waiting. Truth was, she didn’t need to make the money, she had another job. She was stable but did display traits of depression, I just never knew it was that deep. I once pointed it out to her and we talked, but not in the way where I was telling her what was wrong…I just related it to my depression and went back and forth on ways to make it better. She thanked me for that, she was sweet. I told her something along the lines; “I don’t know what I’m talking about half the time”. Not many were willing to say thank you or open up so easily, and just be real.
I had lost contact with her once I got rid of social media. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing by doing that.
The strange thing is, twice this year, I’ve lost two neighbors I was somewhat close with…moments before their death, I had thought about a memory with them. My mom said they must have passed at the same moment. I was listening to a podcast earlier where a man spoke of how the idea that we aren’t apart of the universe is what kills us. Bre and I connected a few times. Even that small cosmic connection must have been felt when she passed. She was special and not to be forgotten.
If there is anything I could learn from her, it was to practice kindness. Her death makes me want to reach out an reconnect with a few people…