Today was my ultimate lazy/beauty ritual day. I did more laying around and surfing the web than beauty rituals…but let’s just say I felt like I deserved it. I’ve been a complete saint the past three weeks. (I’ve probably burned 15,000 calories from being so active!).
In the world of people I (used to) know, people have been losing lives due to overdoses and suicides. The first one triggered a lot of bad habits. This one more recently, just made me learn more about myself. I still needed a day. Today was it. I’ll get back to fitness + goals Lavy tomorrow. It’s a process, I guess…accepting that people are going to die. It’s only natural. But when it’s something we could’ve all stopped … or could we have? Both of those people suffered, just the same way I did. I was once in their shoes, hard work and perfect timing + 6 months of serious healing in all aspects: the heart, mental, physical, energy… everything….and … old friends are being found dead. And I…get to have another chance? If I’ve been dealt 9 lives, I feel like I’m on my 8th one. So to see those who have walked on the same string as I and not make it on the other side…I feel guilty. Like I could’ve done something. The only thing I can do at this point is to watch out for myself and the people around me, continue to search for that purpose that involves serving to the same universe that serves me. That and expressing gratitude.
Life is really beautiful if you just learn how to live it, but I can see how people can get stuck in a certain phase and let their demons take over. I’ve been there, I get it. It took God and a really beautiful friend to remind me of my light. Because of them, I can look at anything and see the beauty in it. I feel lucky. And ultimately the hell I went through actually made me more beautiful. Before, I was living up to other’s expectations, creating fantasies that should’ve stayed unreal and comparing myself to people were just as lost as me. It’s like the book I read by the first writer in the world, she wrote an epic series of her life on earth and how she went from earth to hell and then back. The very same stories copied and placed in the Bible. Humans have known for a long time that obstacles and rock bottoms are sometimes necessary for those in need of a spiritual awakening.
Humans are like gold. In the process of burning gold it becomes more and more pure. When we walk through the valley of death, we aren’t stopping, we are walking. There is a journey — a vital human process of seeking an end to our suffering. Right now, I am accepting that who I was before this process (or even during), is no longer who I am. Growth is important. Evolvement is important. Getting wild and crazy is apart of it.
You have to rip the box apart if you’re stuck on the inside.