Dear universe,

This time last year I prayed to meet someone that would give me a better life — and boy did you come through. My life became a Cinderella story over night.

And I’m thankful of that. But the thing is… what I’ve discovered most is that they never told us how Cinderella felt after the fact.

You see, Cinderella never had much of alife besides cleaning up after her sisters and evil step-mother. So of course, a handsome prince was her only way out. But what happened to her after she saw the world? Did she still want to be with a man who fell in love with a fake facade of her (after one night)?

I wanted to change the world. I wanted to do something that would help people… but all I’ve learned is that I need to help myself first.

I’ve never had a life of my own. At 20 years old, after working 3 jobs and paying for college on my own — and also being in a very toxic household — I had to get out. I put myself in a position to make more money and in turn it cost me my friends, family and a community. 6 years later, I’m still in the same position — it’s just on different terms. It’s been really rough. Last night I cried and kept thinking: “how much longer can I do this?” And sadly, the words I promised I would never say again came out: “I don’t want to be alive.”

Truth is, I do. I just want a real shot at life. The one I never got…. you know… I want a career I’m passionate about, extra smart and genuine friends and true love. Is that too much to ask for?

I’m going into a transition in my life that isn’t going to be easy. I’m pressing a long overdue “restart” button that I’ve been neglecting. I’ve been avoiding it out of fear … what if I can’t do this … but I can. I’m a survivor. I’ve been through so much on my own that I can handle it.

It’s time I do this … on my own.

As my favorite singer once said: “it’s nice to be love and be loved but I rather know what God knows…”

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