I don’t know where I was but ‘Landslide’ by Dixie Chicks came on. This song has followed me throughout my life. Sometimes it would play when I was closing at work. It always puts me in a real nostalgic mood.
I always thought it was because of the melodramatic tone of voice that the singers used.
It came on the other day and I listened to the lyrics and I got caught off guard and became a little emotional.
The song is about a significant part of everyone’s life. One that involves facing the fear of transitioning.
From my interpretation the singer describes a rather confused person who is making decisions out of fear — and later faces herself and sees that she’s still just a child that needs growing.
I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain then I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
The song pulled a wounded string somewhere deep in my soul. I began to tear up. Life has been great but I’ve always found a way to make it difficult *sips glass of wine*
Some would call it anxiety, others would say it’s a sign. Maybe a girl like me is never supposed to be comfortable.
I’m at a place in my life where things are clearly frustrating. I’m no longer asking what is wrong with me or how I got here. Instead I’m acknowledging that I’m still here.
I looked at myself in the mirror today after spending a few extra hours laying in bed. I’m still a little girl — one that’s had the luxury of making a home out of sticks and staying in someone else’s cave. Hmm.
The song continues:
Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too
I’m getting older too…. although I still see the child in me, I know that time is ticking. I’m no longer the girl who can use the excuse of rebellion as I run free through a field of daisies.
Instead, I’m 27. I’ve been through hell. And although the drinks tasted better in the underworld, the hangover was much worse.
Life has passed. My peers have passed me. Some rotting behind, others fulfilling their life destinies and many just staying complacent in the patterns they’ve been conditioned in.
Facing yourself is hard, especially after a landslide of events. What’s harder is that I can’t use that landslide as an excuse, I have to use it as a force that pushes me.
As I’ve sequestered myself from New York’s wind shield, I’ve come to this painful truth about life; you only remember your first and last step of climbing a mountain…what happens in between is quite often forgotten.
As in… we remember how we got to a point and we remember the exit/the final hooray…but we forget the boredom or repetition that happens in between the steps.